And we're back...in what feels like week 234,324,342,342.
The men are acting all cocky after their third win in a row (and really who can blame them) (and also, pun intended).
Nene is crying because Dionne's parting words were "Coward"....she is crying like she got a psychic curse put on her and maybe she did, maybe she did.
The men are acting all cocky after their third win in a row (and really who can blame them) (and also, pun intended).
Nene is crying because Dionne's parting words were "Coward"....she is crying like she got a psychic curse put on her and maybe she did, maybe she did.
I can see this. CurseWatch 2011 is on.
Also. So I know that you don't watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, but are you coming around to how Nene should be on every show, ever? I adore her. She's has everything you want in a reality tv star: wild unpredictability (which sometimes results in completely out of nowhere arguments that might have the potential to devolve into hair-pulling and Homer Simpson-style chokings), actual humor/comedic timing/ability to craft a fun turn of phrase, and bonkers sense of style. Based on what I've seen, she's a definitely more conservative on the Apprentice than she is at home, but that beautiful skin-clashing caramel hair gets to come out, which is all that matters, really. I want her to be on every show, ever. Especially Amazing Race and Survivor. But also as a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race. And possibly What Not to Wear. I want it all. For more evidence of how great Nene is, see Best Week Ever.
I am getting there…She’s no nonsense in a way that makes sense but with the delightful irony that the same does not apply to herself.
LaToya utters the single saddest sentence of all times, "I've always known you can't trust anyone"....Cue an episode where LaToya is sad sad sad sad sad, really extra sad knowing what I know thanks to some spoilers…looking at you LISA RINNA.
Trumpster calls them back to the boardroom and tells them that he likes to "touch art" and that the next challenge is going to be creating "art" (for him to touch?) and each team gets its own gallery. Then, they are going to decorate baseball caps to sell and the team that sells them for the most money wins (?)...and the single hat that goes for the most money gets a "special" prize. I am confused and can't really picture what this challenge entails yet...
LaToya utters the single saddest sentence of all times, "I've always known you can't trust anyone"....Cue an episode where LaToya is sad sad sad sad sad, really extra sad knowing what I know thanks to some spoilers…looking at you LISA RINNA.
Trumpster calls them back to the boardroom and tells them that he likes to "touch art" and that the next challenge is going to be creating "art" (for him to touch?) and each team gets its own gallery. Then, they are going to decorate baseball caps to sell and the team that sells them for the most money wins (?)...and the single hat that goes for the most money gets a "special" prize. I am confused and can't really picture what this challenge entails yet...
All of this is amazing. What? Touch art? Is that a thing? I mean, on the one hand, I understand the inclination to “touch” art, and I probably would try to make it happen if I were super rich (I mean, who wouldn’t want to run their fingers over the surface of a Cezanne? So bumpy, so important! Or a Seurat? Fun!), but on the other hand, I probably wouldn’t tell people about it, because it’s tacky. The oils in your fingers would be really damaging! But I’ve touched [the frames of] art [with gloves], and it was pretty awesome. But it wasn’t, like, a hobby. I got paid to do that. I don’t know what Trumpy is doing. Maybe he likes hat art, because it’s socially acceptable to touch hats?
Everything Trumpy says sounds vaguely sexual. It’s sad. It’s like he thinks the only way he can fit in with these celebrities is by making awkward sex jokes. He’s like that lame kid in high school who never actually got laid but talked about it a lot.
Marlee volunteers to be PM for the ladies because her friends are "philanthropists" and John Rich is the PM for the guys because country artists are "charitable....it all made me shrug and say "okay" because really who thinks to dispute these things.
Marlee volunteers to be PM for the ladies because her friends are "philanthropists" and John Rich is the PM for the guys because country artists are "charitable....it all made me shrug and say "okay" because really who thinks to dispute these things.
Is “country artists are charitable” a stereotype of which I am not aware?
Who knows? But also, who ever thinks about it?
Gary immediately starts making strange definitions of words using the letters of the word.
Gary immediately starts making strange definitions of words using the letters of the word.
This is my very favorite Gary Busey thing. Remember Celebrity Fit Club, when he did that all the time? That was awesome.
Sigh….I want him to make an acrostic poem out of my name!
John Rich immediately gets all Dr. Phil and starts talking about cattle and calling his rich friends.
Marlee tells her team that she doesn't want any more fighting and challenges them to act like...wait for it....ADULTS. They all begin calling their rich friends...SIDENOTE: wouldn't it totally, totally suck to be friends of anyone on this show? You just know they'd be calling you for money and frankly, I'd be like “can't I just give money to your charity on my own”???
Marlee tells her team that she doesn't want any more fighting and challenges them to act like...wait for it....ADULTS. They all begin calling their rich friends...SIDENOTE: wouldn't it totally, totally suck to be friends of anyone on this show? You just know they'd be calling you for money and frankly, I'd be like “can't I just give money to your charity on my own”???
Yeah, especially here… Are they paying actual legal tender to purchase hats that their friends made? Because I tell you what, Amanda, I wouldn’t really pay you very much money for a hat you painted. I would pay some, I guess, like the way people donate money to their friends’ walkathons and what have you… But not very much. And I would be bummed out by the idea of having to figure out how long I had to hold on to that hat before I could throw it away.
The answer would be FOREVER. I now going to make a hat, guilt you into buying it and you are going to like it, damnit.
LaToya knows that she needs to step it up...so her idea is to...wait for it... again....make and sell panties that say "we miss you Michael"…incidentally this never comes to fruition. (also, it has come to my attention that she PROBABLY said “paintings” but I’ll be damned if it didn’t sound like “panties” and frankly, I wouldn’t hold it past her).
This is the worst thing I ever heard. Never, ever, under any circumstances, would I refer to “panties” and my brothers in the same sentence. That last one doesn’t count.
Ha…panties.
Jose's dad is dying.
Sad.
He taught Jose how to play baseball... And Trumpster, in an uncharacteristically generous move, says goodbye to Jose and gives him $25,000 towards his charity... Goodbye Jose, and now the teams are closer in number.
(Jose was NOT kidding last week when he said that playing gay was going to kill his father... Too soon?)
Jose's dad is dying.
Sad.
He taught Jose how to play baseball... And Trumpster, in an uncharacteristically generous move, says goodbye to Jose and gives him $25,000 towards his charity... Goodbye Jose, and now the teams are closer in number.
(Jose was NOT kidding last week when he said that playing gay was going to kill his father... Too soon?)
I have no comments on this section, except to deem it not too soon. Possibly because I don’t have a huge amount of pity for anyone whose son would even joke about them dying if they were gay. Hm. I’ve written better sentences than that one. But I wish the best to the Conseco family all the same!
Right?
The men react reasonably to Jose's loss. Then they decide to make art to commemorate Jose's dad (because I am sure they all hung out all of the time)...Richard thinks this is all a "ploy" on Jose's part...? What?
Richard is crazy.
Word.
All the celebs are at Michaels shopping for art supplies and feeling so much lighter without Dionne's old lady weight.
"Finally Understanding Nothing"...If you didn't know....that's the definition of "FUN". Thanks Gary.
Makes sense.
Meatloaf is beginning to get frustrated with Gary. (Foreeeeshadowing.)
LaToya offers to sell a rare, signed T-shirt of Michael’s because she figures this is what he would have wanted. Everyone starts to cry. Latoya calls him an angel. (And I feel like a robot...because...eh.)
Meatloaf is beginning to get frustrated with Gary. (Foreeeeshadowing.)
LaToya offers to sell a rare, signed T-shirt of Michael’s because she figures this is what he would have wanted. Everyone starts to cry. Latoya calls him an angel. (And I feel like a robot...because...eh.)
I also kind of can’t picture calling my brothers angels, but I guess my family didn’t spend as much time mythologizing my brothers as LaToya’s did. Thoughts?
I think you spend far too little time comparing your brothers to angels... Get some more halo polish, will ya?
The guys begin to create "art" and Meatloaf thinks that Gary “stole” his art supplies and holy hell, Meatloaf fucking EXPLODES. He is yelling and cursing about how he "bought the motherfucking sponges!" and "this paint is mine!" and now I know what happens when you give preschool assignments to self-entitled adults. He is sweaty and screaming at Gary and very much not the crying gentle giant he was in episodes of yore. (Hint: Gary did NOT steal Meat’s shit.)
*At this point I still can't figure out what the baseball caps have to do with anything because they are all working with canvas and paint.
And we're back... The tiny men (so tiny, one of their names has the word “lil’” in it) are holding back Meatloaf as he screams that he is going to send Gary to the hospital. Now they are trying to share their supplies with him and get him to calm down. Settle down Meat, there is enough paint for everyone. Phew. He's got his blue and yellow paint and things are calming down. Gary has been removed from the situation. John Rich finds Meat's bag of supplies in a corner and one would think this would calm him down, but he is still inexplicably screaming obscenities at Gary, who is, of course, very calm. The two men are separated and finally FINALLY making some damn "art."
That was intense...and so Raven... Er, random.
The guys begin to create "art" and Meatloaf thinks that Gary “stole” his art supplies and holy hell, Meatloaf fucking EXPLODES. He is yelling and cursing about how he "bought the motherfucking sponges!" and "this paint is mine!" and now I know what happens when you give preschool assignments to self-entitled adults. He is sweaty and screaming at Gary and very much not the crying gentle giant he was in episodes of yore. (Hint: Gary did NOT steal Meat’s shit.)
*At this point I still can't figure out what the baseball caps have to do with anything because they are all working with canvas and paint.
And we're back... The tiny men (so tiny, one of their names has the word “lil’” in it) are holding back Meatloaf as he screams that he is going to send Gary to the hospital. Now they are trying to share their supplies with him and get him to calm down. Settle down Meat, there is enough paint for everyone. Phew. He's got his blue and yellow paint and things are calming down. Gary has been removed from the situation. John Rich finds Meat's bag of supplies in a corner and one would think this would calm him down, but he is still inexplicably screaming obscenities at Gary, who is, of course, very calm. The two men are separated and finally FINALLY making some damn "art."
That was intense...and so Raven... Er, random.
Hm. Um. When Jose left, did he perhaps leave some “stuff” behind? Which Meatloaf then got his hands on? Stop taking Jose’s stuff, Meaty. I really want to like you, because you take wacky parts in movies that I love. (That’s right: looking at you, Spice World.)
Very, very valid point.
The ladies are also making "art." they are gentle and OH.MY.DAMN. They are using the frigging baseball caps. LaToya is making one "for" Michael. She is getting extra creepy about her brother as this episode goes on. Star is freaking about a "power strip" because she wants to print something. They are painting their hands and making a picture called "sisterhood" with their painty handprints... Star does not enjoy painting her hand and needs to be taught how to wash it off. Nene is starting to get frustrated with Star.
(We are only 30 minutes in.)
This is why I can’t watch this show. Ug!
This art is just terrible. I can't describe it because. Because.
Richard made the gayest hat... Lil' John actually says, "Damn Richard...that's a gay ass hat...but, I guess that's you!" I LOL'd.
Can’t wait to see this hat.
Frankly, I found it far more stupid than I did “gay.”
Poor Marlee can't tell if her team is making money because she can't hear their phone calls. Star and Nene start to get snippy in front of Don Jr. Marlee gets $133,000 from a family she knows and that's cool because I really hope she brings the team to a win.
The men are hanging things in their gallery without incident. This seems to be a mixture of "art" and signed guitars and such. GEORGE IS BACK. I forgot to mention that. Ivanka must be busy, but I missed that turtle faced old man.
The men are hanging things in their gallery without incident. This seems to be a mixture of "art" and signed guitars and such. GEORGE IS BACK. I forgot to mention that. Ivanka must be busy, but I missed that turtle faced old man.
Several paragraphs ago, when I said that I didn’t watch because it’s too long, I meant because it’s too long AND because no George and Carolyn. I love them so.
John Rich flew in a bunch of country stars from Nashville (including a little person cowboy!!!!).
The ladies are late and get stuck in traffic on their way to their gallery space. New York traffic really causes problems on this show. The men are bored waiting for their gallery to open so they go to spy on the ladies...who are not there yet. LIl' John and Mark McGrath do a fake "Cribs" making fun of the girl's gallery... It's mean spirited. Also, Mark seems determined to film shit and show it to Trumpy as “evidence.” ...He is the self-appointed team snitch.
John Rich flew in a bunch of country stars from Nashville (including a little person cowboy!!!!).
The ladies are late and get stuck in traffic on their way to their gallery space. New York traffic really causes problems on this show. The men are bored waiting for their gallery to open so they go to spy on the ladies...who are not there yet. LIl' John and Mark McGrath do a fake "Cribs" making fun of the girl's gallery... It's mean spirited. Also, Mark seems determined to film shit and show it to Trumpy as “evidence.” ...He is the self-appointed team snitch.
Mark is the worst. I retract my half-assed 8th grade crush on him. (Meaning the half-assed crush I had in the 8th grade. Not some 8th-grade style crush that I have now, which I definitely do not have. Ug, that made it sound like I'm just denying a very real Mark crush. NOT THERE. Obvs. Nobody likes Mark.)
Star is criticizing Marlee for being "frazzled" but, I mean, the traffic is clearly not her fault.
Back to the guys... Meatloaf is now apologizing and crying to Gary and asking for forgiveness... BIPOLAR Much? Jeeze Meat, get it together. Gary says, confessional style, that "Meat was dealing with his own anger and did it in a confrontation of death"... They hug it out. Awwwww....wait, no, what???? They both discuss their experiences in anger management and somewhere an anger management professional to the stars is nursing the fist he just put through a wall. (I THINK WE SHOULD RENAME OUR BLOG “CONFRONTATION OF DEATH.”)
Star is criticizing Marlee for being "frazzled" but, I mean, the traffic is clearly not her fault.
Back to the guys... Meatloaf is now apologizing and crying to Gary and asking for forgiveness... BIPOLAR Much? Jeeze Meat, get it together. Gary says, confessional style, that "Meat was dealing with his own anger and did it in a confrontation of death"... They hug it out. Awwwww....wait, no, what???? They both discuss their experiences in anger management and somewhere an anger management professional to the stars is nursing the fist he just put through a wall. (I THINK WE SHOULD RENAME OUR BLOG “CONFRONTATION OF DEATH.”)
Meatloaf: definitely on steroids. Also, possibly trying to start a Fight Club. DON’T TALK ABOUT IT, MEATY.
The girls get to the gallery and their art isn't there yet... Ruh roh.
The catering is there but, 15 minutes 'til the gallery is supposed to open and they don't have art... Things look grim for the ladies.
YAY the ladies get their art 5 minutes before the gallery opening... The guys in charge of hanging stuff are working as fast as possible.
The men open their gallery to a line of creepy people with too much money. The men are selling their crap for absurd amounts of money... Except Richard, who has no celeb friends and, really, who wants that gay ass hat?
The girls get to the gallery and their art isn't there yet... Ruh roh.
The catering is there but, 15 minutes 'til the gallery is supposed to open and they don't have art... Things look grim for the ladies.
YAY the ladies get their art 5 minutes before the gallery opening... The guys in charge of hanging stuff are working as fast as possible.
The men open their gallery to a line of creepy people with too much money. The men are selling their crap for absurd amounts of money... Except Richard, who has no celeb friends and, really, who wants that gay ass hat?
Just you wait. That hat is totally going to outwit, outlast, and outgay the other hats. It has tricks up its sleeve. (I’m picturing baseball hats: Is that correct? Because my mental images are really missing out if they are all kinds of hats and Richard’s is a sparkly bowler or really tiny or something.)
Yes, baseball caps... But seriously, wouldn’t it be awesome to strategize challenges for this show? I think your examples just upped the ante in a totally fun and doable way!
The ladies have a noticeably more subdued line, but Marlee greets each and every one.
The men are kicking ass and taking names... Literally.
The ladies, so far, not as much.
I do not know any of these celebrities who are spending oh so much money.
The ladies finally make some money. They are able to take credit cards remotely over the phone, which makes life easier. Star is eating caviar and hanging out at the CC machine.
The men sold all of their “art” and begin to sing the show’s theme song, which is a special meta moment.
The ladies have a noticeably more subdued line, but Marlee greets each and every one.
The men are kicking ass and taking names... Literally.
The ladies, so far, not as much.
I do not know any of these celebrities who are spending oh so much money.
The ladies finally make some money. They are able to take credit cards remotely over the phone, which makes life easier. Star is eating caviar and hanging out at the CC machine.
The men sold all of their “art” and begin to sing the show’s theme song, which is a special meta moment.
Ha!
A little kid from St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital comes to the guy’s gallery because that is John Rich’s charity and he takes a picture surrounded by the guys' team which will undoubtedly be the scariest and most confusing picture that kid will ever be in.
Some actor from the Sopranos was called in by the Trumpster as an “art expert” to look at the hats and decide which one is the best.
A little kid from St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital comes to the guy’s gallery because that is John Rich’s charity and he takes a picture surrounded by the guys' team which will undoubtedly be the scariest and most confusing picture that kid will ever be in.
Some actor from the Sopranos was called in by the Trumpster as an “art expert” to look at the hats and decide which one is the best.
This makes sense. I’m sure there weren’t any actual art experts available in New York.
The ladies are now making shit tons of money. The T-Shirt sold for $99,000. Then the ladies start selling lots of things for $99,000 and these are all amounts of money that I cannot possibly fathom. The math has become impossible.
Why 99,000?
Interesting you should ask. Apparently you can’t charge more than that on a credit card. Though, I would assume these people have the super platinum diamond credit cards from Mars with unlimited credit... I guess I would be mistaken.
John Rich sells a guitar for $470,000. Jeeeeeeeeeeesus.
BOARDROOM TIME.
Both teams are confident that they won.
Meatloaf and Lil’ John are voted the best male artists... Lil’ John says that Trumpster has inspired him to pursue “art.” I cannot wait for this. Then Trumpster calls out Meat on his tantrum and Meat totally owns it and says it was inappropriate. But, as per usual, the Trumpster will not let it go and keeps asking for details.
Marlee is very proud of her team and Trumpster says he heard only good things. The team stands behind marlee. Star even says nice things about Marlee and Trumpster is like “wow, Star, you are such a bitch, I have never heard you compliment anyone.”
LaToya won the “best hat award” and got $25,000 for her charity, which is one of the AIDS ones.
John Rich sells a guitar for $470,000. Jeeeeeeeeeeesus.
BOARDROOM TIME.
Both teams are confident that they won.
Meatloaf and Lil’ John are voted the best male artists... Lil’ John says that Trumpster has inspired him to pursue “art.” I cannot wait for this. Then Trumpster calls out Meat on his tantrum and Meat totally owns it and says it was inappropriate. But, as per usual, the Trumpster will not let it go and keeps asking for details.
Marlee is very proud of her team and Trumpster says he heard only good things. The team stands behind marlee. Star even says nice things about Marlee and Trumpster is like “wow, Star, you are such a bitch, I have never heard you compliment anyone.”
LaToya won the “best hat award” and got $25,000 for her charity, which is one of the AIDS ones.
I’m just super glad her charity isn’t, like, an organization to make sure that there’s a porcelain sculpture of her brother in front of every building in Indonesia. Because I could see it. On the other hand, get on it, Jeff Koons. I’m betting LaToya would bankroll.
Ick... She’d probably want herself tattooed on the statues ass... She was really all about Michael this episode in a creepster kind of way.
Then the conversation turns to LaToya’s T-shirt. Trumpster refers to Michael Jackson as a “close friend” and I am so sure Trumpy... Keep telling yourself that.
Trumpster says that they raised more money on this one episode than they ever have on an entire season of both regular and celebrity apprentice!!! (I can’t wait to hear the totals!)
Trumpster asks why Marlee’s charity is so important to her... And duh... It’s because it is for deaf people around the world... No doy, Trumpy.
Then he asks John Rich why he supports St. Jude’s... Seriously, Trump. Why do people blink? Why does chocolate taste good? I mean... COME ON.
Trump acknowledges that it is a shame that one team should lose so much money for their charity and offers a deal: If both teams agree, then they can each keep their money for their respective charities. They agree, because they have souls... And Trump is surprised, because he does not.
The men raised $627,908
The women raised $986,000 NEW RECORD!!!! LADIES WON! WOOOO
Marlee cries, as does her interpreter... It is very sweet.
How great is the interpreter?
He MIRRORED her crying gestures. Which leads me to another tangent: how cool would it be to have someone whose job it was to explain what you were saying? I want an interpreter. It would save me so much time!
Trump is disappointed because Marlee is $14,000 short of one million and so he gives it to her. YAYAYAYAYAY MARLEE. (Also, Trumpy is weirdly generous this episode, right?)
Trump is disappointed because Marlee is $14,000 short of one million and so he gives it to her. YAYAYAYAYAY MARLEE. (Also, Trumpy is weirdly generous this episode, right?)
Indeed.
The women get to stay to watch the men lose a member (heh heh heh). Then he asks the ladies how they would feel if he didn’t fire anyone off the men’s team because Jose left? The ladies have all the power... Or so it seems.
Hmmmmm…what will they decide?
It’s been pretty feel-good so far... But this is a horse of a different color (as the Wizard of Oz would say).
(15 minutes left)
Marlee plays the deaf card and tries to get out of it... It is cute. She has an idea and consults with her team. She says her heart goes out to Jose, but because her team has gone through “hell” having 3 members because of “business,” she still thinks that the men’s team needs to lose someone because it is “business.” That does seem fair.
The women get to stay to watch the men lose a member (heh heh heh). Then he asks the ladies how they would feel if he didn’t fire anyone off the men’s team because Jose left? The ladies have all the power... Or so it seems.
Hmmmmm…what will they decide?
It’s been pretty feel-good so far... But this is a horse of a different color (as the Wizard of Oz would say).
(15 minutes left)
Marlee plays the deaf card and tries to get out of it... It is cute. She has an idea and consults with her team. She says her heart goes out to Jose, but because her team has gone through “hell” having 3 members because of “business,” she still thinks that the men’s team needs to lose someone because it is “business.” That does seem fair.
Yea... Way to be all George W. Bush waving to Stevie Wonder, Star. Idiot.
Trump has the ladies stay to consult. Richard admits that he made the least amount of money for his team.
Apparently, according to Trumpster, Richard has a pass on the money sitch, because he was in jail for four years?!?! I guess everyone knows that you lose your rich friends when you are imprisoned?!?!
Remember when he fired KKKKhloe KKKKardashian when he found out that she had gotten a DUI? But Richard gets a pass for being in jail? Trump is a moron.
Indeed. He really brings down the quality of his own show... Or increases it, depending on why you watch.
The ladies all seem to think Richard should be fired.
John Rich thinks focus will be important going forward and recommends that Gary be fired. He makes a fair point.
Meatloaf agrees... Then all of the guys stand behind John Rich. Trump keeps calling Gary “Brilliant” and it seems like pandering.
Hmmm, Marlee steps in and says she knows Gary personally and that he is, indeed, brilliant. I am beginning to question the company that Marlee keeps.
I wonder what this is about!
She reasserts that Richard has gotta go.
Richard is fired. Zing Bang! (He didn’t even get to defend himself.)
Methinks that Gary is going to have a tough time now that he knows his team is against him. He sneak attacks Marlee in the hall with a hug (she didn’t even hear him coming) and blesses her for her support.
She reasserts that Richard has gotta go.
Richard is fired. Zing Bang! (He didn’t even get to defend himself.)
Methinks that Gary is going to have a tough time now that he knows his team is against him. He sneak attacks Marlee in the hall with a hug (she didn’t even hear him coming) and blesses her for her support.
Ha!
In the limo Richard is respectful, but also makes a good point in saying that he didn’t get to defend himself.
Next week they are dressed up like pirates?
In the limo Richard is respectful, but also makes a good point in saying that he didn’t get to defend himself.
Next week they are dressed up like pirates?
I’m excited.
Bee Tea Dubs: Hope Jaodzxkeix (that’s not how you spell her last name, but there are a LOT of consonants... Crazy poles) is a model (apparently) and so useless that one hardly realizes she is there... She seems very sweet, but her expression is always that of a vaguely cheerful sex doll. I am shocked she has made it this far.
Bee Tea Dubs: Hope Jaodzxkeix (that’s not how you spell her last name, but there are a LOT of consonants... Crazy poles) is a model (apparently) and so useless that one hardly realizes she is there... She seems very sweet, but her expression is always that of a vaguely cheerful sex doll. I am shocked she has made it this far.
Does that mean that her mouth is always really open and round? I hope that’s what that means.
It’s always kind of gaping slightly... Doesn’t look like it would take much to open it fully.
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